The Great Lord Merlin was brought into this world a pauper, shivering and alone, save the Queen Mother who bore him. Little did the Queen know what a great, swaggering Tom he would become when first he opened his eyes!
Very little is known about the Lord Merlin’s early adventures, but in his second year of life he came to the house of the bipedal, hairless Giant Stupid Cats Who Feed Us. This dominion was already populated by lesser cats, and though the Giant Stupid Cats took away his claws and balls, the Lord Merlin wasted no time in establishing his rule; truly, a triumph without such often essential tools.
It was during this period of contentment, as he watched the smaller of the two Giant Stupid Cats Who Feed Us grow, that he became romantically involved with the smaller Lord Fluffy, whose bulk was not nearly as noble as the Great Lord Merlin. The two spent a great many days entwined, with Lord Merlin often ignoring his other subjects in favor of spending time with Lord Fluffy. All good things must end, though, and with the shift in balance caused by the sudden disappearance of the smaller Giant Stupid Cat, the relationship came to an end.
Without the smaller of the Giant Stupid Cats to intervene in the feeding schedules, food became immensely plentiful and constantly available. The Great Lord Merlin found time to increase his bulk from noble to vast, even as the domain around him filled with objects brought in by the larger of the two Giant Stupid Cats Who Feed Us.
The larger Giant Stupid Cat also left the door to the dreaded shower open; while no other cat dared to enter, the Lord Merlin not only entered the chamber, but the dreaded shower itself, and came to know the pleasure of the falling water on its own terms. Despite his fascination with the dreaded shower, and his rallying cry of free falling water, he was unable to convince his cohort to enter with him; he was a hero alone.
For years upon years this state of things persisted; Merlin maintained a comfortable bulk of 21 pounds, striking awe into those that saw him, and astounding the Giant Stupid Cats Who Feed Us with his great feats of water-based bravery.
Finally, though, the great change came when the smaller Giant Stupid Cat returned. There was, for a short time, much collecting of items and moving of objects; then came that fateful day when the Lord Merlin was placed in with the objects and items, separated from his domain, and trapped, far, far away.
The Day of Change, as this was to be called, later, when the dust had settled; this day went down in history. The strange sights and sounds were more than he had seen since moving in with the Giant Stupid Cats, and reminded him of the time before, when his claws and balls belonged to him alone.
They finally arrived at what was to become his new domain. The journey had been hard; the Great Lord Merlin had, in the face of unjust displacement, gone briefly on a hunger strike, and his great bulk became much reduced. Though initially unsure of the new Giant Stupid Cats who shared his demesne, after a few displays of his confidence and fecal dominance, Merlin established his rule. He remains the unquestioned monarch of the household, and has taken up singing at night, which the Giant Stupid Cats sometimes join in.